You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
