it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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