Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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