I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Damn victory sex feels great
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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