I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
