I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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