I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
