How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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