My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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