I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
