Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
