I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
