WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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