Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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