before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
