you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am naked and annoyed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
