Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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