You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
