Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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