1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Are we still banned from the library?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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