I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
