non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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