so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
