dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Enjoy the penises
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
