just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize