He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
