Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
