he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
