My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
