Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
