I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
