im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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