It's like God shit irony all over that family
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
