That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
