Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
