I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
