mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I am midnight drunk by noon
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
