True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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