I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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