just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
