i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
