I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
