I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just high enough for therapy.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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