You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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