dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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