Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize