upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
