i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
