god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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