if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
