new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
