I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
