6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
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