So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
