I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
