I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
This baby is an asshole
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
