i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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