so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
