I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
