when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
