those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
