I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
