her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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