I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
