he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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