Got a toothbrush?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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