i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize