I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You're like the curious george of whores
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
