Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
