You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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