I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
there was a trapeze. enough said
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize