i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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