so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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