Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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