he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize