Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think i have herpe
just one?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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