Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
