if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
