I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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