we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
