OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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