God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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