Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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