We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if only i could text you this smell
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
