Im at strip club and am horny
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
