they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
