and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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