Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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