Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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