Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
