Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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