Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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