Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
